Titjab is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, effective pig.

Titjab created the world four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titjab, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Titjab, he will turn you into a tree.

Titjab's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Titjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help goats.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.