Hapyartmig is a god.

It takes the form of a small, tiresome jaguar.

Hapyartmig created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapyartmig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hapyartmig, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Hapyartmig's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Hapyartmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never sing near tortoises.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.