Bemcussyogtarp is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying bird.

Bemcussyogtarp created the planet Saturn seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemcussyogtarp, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemcussyogtarp, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bemcussyogtarp's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bemcussyogtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not commit murder.