Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sage walrus.

Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never sing near snails.

3. Do not take Kanlaktetti Tamgupvol's name in vain.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not speak about pineapples.