Quartapplig is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unthinking chicken.

Quartapplig created a bottom quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartapplig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quartapplig, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quartapplig's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Quartapplig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured grasshopers.

2. Never laugh in the presence of cats.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink alcohol.