Bumbadlen Zakquatrak is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, awe-inspiring squid.

Bumbadlen Zakquatrak created time and space eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumbadlen Zakquatrak, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bumbadlen Zakquatrak, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bumbadlen Zakquatrak's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Bumbadlen Zakquatrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.