Kenzagyim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, omniscient alligator.

Kenzagyim created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kenzagyim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kenzagyim, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Kenzagyim's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Kenzagyim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.