Gesspoggen is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, slow gorilla.

Gesspoggen created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Gesspoggen, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gesspoggen, he will come to you in dreams.

Gesspoggen's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Gesspoggen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat oranges.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Retreat if eight horses approach from the east.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. You must pray to Gesspoggen three times a day.