Vanwikgof is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, capable seal.

Vanwikgof created the Black Eye Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanwikgof, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vanwikgof, he will make you grow a tail.

Vanwikgof's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Vanwikgof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always look after injured whales.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Always help sick monkeys.