Hotcidget is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, competent giraffe.

Hotcidget created Mount Everest seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotcidget, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hotcidget, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hotcidget's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Hotcidget's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Hotcidget loves foxes, so they must be honoured.