Podortyok is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, prudent grasshopper.

Podortyok created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Podortyok, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Podortyok, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Podortyok's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Podortyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Podortyok loves doves, so they must be respected.