Futtonksid is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, impressive newt.

Futtonksid created the Small Magellanic Cloud six billion years ago.

If you believe in Futtonksid, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Futtonksid, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Futtonksid's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Futtonksid's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick sheep.

2. Never eat parsnips.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Futtonksid.

4. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

5. Pray towards the north.