Batgubvon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, thoughtless monkey.

Batgubvon created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Batgubvon, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Batgubvon, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Batgubvon's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Batgubvon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Put Batgubvon first in all things.

3. You must pray to Batgubvon five times a day.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.