Ontcitmid is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, astonishing spider.

Ontcitmid created the Milkyway seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontcitmid, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontcitmid, she will have a low opinion of you.

Ontcitmid's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Ontcitmid's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Erect five iron sculptures of Ontcitmid on top of important buildings.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.