Ponsatfen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud slug.

Ponsatfen created the cosmos nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponsatfen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ponsatfen, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Ponsatfen's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Ponsatfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Ponsatfen's name in vain.

2. Do not speak about oranges.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not hurt dolphins.

5. Run away from cyan snails, for they are unholy.