Stafcapvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, awesome alligator.

Stafcapvonk created a strange quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafcapvonk, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Stafcapvonk, she will turn you into a mouse.

Stafcapvonk's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Stafcapvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. Worship no other gods but Stafcapvonk.