Japbassgab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, bad-tempered gnu.

Japbassgab created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japbassgab, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Japbassgab, it will be very sad.

Japbassgab's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Japbassgab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always treat snails with great respect.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.