Gepfutmot Govyamstik is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, dishonourable porpoise.

Gepfutmot Govyamstik created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gepfutmot Govyamstik, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gepfutmot Govyamstik, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gepfutmot Govyamstik's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Gepfutmot Govyamstik's Holy Commandments

1. Gepfutmot Govyamstik loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always help sick moths.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.