Carteengepcam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, smart aardvark.

Carteengepcam created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Carteengepcam, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Carteengepcam, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Carteengepcam's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Carteengepcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms fawn.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away if eight cats approach from the west.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Carteengepcam on top of all buildings.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Carteengepcam.