Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, grumpy gorilla.

Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat created the Andromeda Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat, it will jump up and down on your head.

Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise stockings.

2. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

3. Always obey Kabtoncabgigratbeppincat's priests.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

5. Never mention dolphins.