Spagtofpin Jongub is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, generous fly.

Spagtofpin Jongub created the Sun two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Spagtofpin Jongub, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Spagtofpin Jongub, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Spagtofpin Jongub's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Spagtofpin Jongub's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Spagtofpin Jongub six times a day.

2. Never wear pink skirts.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always help sick snakes.