Goftettiban is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, confident dog.

Goftettiban created the Andromeda Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Goftettiban, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Goftettiban, it will not invite you to parties.

Goftettiban's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Goftettiban's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always help seals in need.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never talk about turtles.