Tikwonflis is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, sage jellyfish.

Tikwonflis created the Whirlpool Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Tikwonflis, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tikwonflis, she will turn you into a rock.

Tikwonflis' most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tikwonflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about asteroids.