Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sage mongoose.

Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk, she will turn you into a goat.

Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Always obey Fomvanjab Hatwegtonk's priests.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.