Tonpinpom is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, effective owl.

Tonpinpom created the Andromeda Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Tonpinpom, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tonpinpom, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tonpinpom's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tonpinpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not shave your neck.