Jarnlogxem is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, annoying faun.

Jarnlogxem created vertebrates eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnlogxem, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jarnlogxem, it will turn you into a hamster.

Jarnlogxem's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jarnlogxem's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jarnlogxem.

5. Hide from orange ducks for they are unholy.