Pakhom is a god.

She takes the form of a small, awesome tortoise.

Pakhom created the Tadpole Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakhom, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pakhom, she will turn you into a rock.

Pakhom's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Pakhom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt monkeys.

2. Run away from cyan dogs, for they are unholy.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not dye your hair black.