Jarnfonzen is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, competent mole.

Jarnfonzen created the Cigar Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnfonzen, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jarnfonzen, she will think nothing of it.

Jarnfonzen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jarnfonzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Erect seven platinum sculptures of Jarnfonzen on top of important buildings.

3. Retreat if three geese approach from the north.

4. Never laugh near snakes.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.