Gumcathab is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, fast human.

Gumcathab created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumcathab, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gumcathab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Gumcathab's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gumcathab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gumcathab.

2. Never wear yellow jumpers.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never sit near snails.

5. Do not shave your hands.