Xemkopwip is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, slow dove.

Xemkopwip created the planet Earth eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemkopwip, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Xemkopwip, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Xemkopwip's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Xemkopwip's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet goats, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Xemkopwip must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always help sick rats.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.