Kaptonbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, egotistical walrus.

Kaptonbonk created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaptonbonk, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Kaptonbonk, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Kaptonbonk's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Kaptonbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from pink ants, for they are unholy.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Ducks are not to be trusted.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.