Vonklanren is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, merciful bat.

Vonklanren created the cosmos two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonklanren, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonklanren, he will turn you into a rat.

Vonklanren's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Vonklanren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Run away if eight sheep approach from the west.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Do not commit murder.