Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, calm duck.

Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim's Holy Commandments

1. Stafbarnmegnarldamflantimkim must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.