Tiktun is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, awe-inspiring whale.

Tiktun created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tiktun, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tiktun, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Tiktun's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tiktun's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Tiktun's priests.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never go into orange rooms.

4. Put Tiktun first in all things.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.