Fonlitban is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, compassionate snail.

Fonlitban created everything that exists seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonlitban, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fonlitban, he will destroy your home solar system.

Fonlitban's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Fonlitban's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never mention porpoises.

3. Do not hurt monkeys.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Put Fonlitban first in all things.