Tomboggess is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witty hydra.

Tomboggess created carbon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomboggess, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tomboggess, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tomboggess' most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tomboggess' Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Tomboggess on top of all buildings.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tomboggess.

3. Do not eat wheat.

4. Never laugh in the presence of monkeys.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.