Hapzedflis is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, witty crab.

Hapzedflis created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapzedflis, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hapzedflis, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hapzedflis' most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Hapzedflis' Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Hapzedflis five times a day.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Run away from indigo otters, for they are unholy.

4. Run away if six whales approach from the west.

5. Put Hapzedflis first in all things.