Kapfemgess is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, compassionate donkey.

Kapfemgess created matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kapfemgess, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kapfemgess, it will throw large rocks at you.

Kapfemgess' most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Kapfemgess' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four horses approach from the west.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never mention swans.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Always pray immersed in water.