Fatkap is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unthinking giraffe.

Fatkap created a Higgs boson nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fatkap, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fatkap, it will curse you with boils.

Fatkap's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Fatkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear carbon on your body.

2. Never bounce near doves.

3. Never sing in the presence of frogs.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.