Cumjipmat is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable narwhal.

Cumjipmat created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Cumjipmat, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cumjipmat, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Cumjipmat's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Cumjipmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Cumjipmat loves horses, so they must be respected.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.