Timwotvolnillgepquammidbum is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, quiet monkey.

Timwotvolnillgepquammidbum created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timwotvolnillgepquammidbum, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Timwotvolnillgepquammidbum, he will turn you into a snail.

Timwotvolnillgepquammidbum's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Timwotvolnillgepquammidbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Run away if seven porpoises approach from the north.