Largquaftarp is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, merciful mole.

Largquaftarp created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Largquaftarp, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Largquaftarp, she will ignore you.

Largquaftarp's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Largquaftarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Run away from pink bats, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Largquaftarp.