Pagkopfab is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, merciless crocodile.

Pagkopfab created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Pagkopfab, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pagkopfab, she will turn you into a duck.

Pagkopfab's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Pagkopfab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pagkopfab.

3. Never talk about mites.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.