Wapbetdin Pakarfnar is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, vain monkey.

Wapbetdin Pakarfnar created the Tadpole Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapbetdin Pakarfnar, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Wapbetdin Pakarfnar, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Wapbetdin Pakarfnar's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Wapbetdin Pakarfnar's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Erect eight carbon sculptures of Wapbetdin Pakarfnar on top of important buildings.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never hurt capybaras.