Futcitarn is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, vain salamander.

Futcitarn created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Futcitarn, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futcitarn, he will turn you into a slug.

Futcitarn's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Futcitarn's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not dye your hair mauve.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never eat green fruit.