Sanmetbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate jellyfish.

Sanmetbarn created the cosmos two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sanmetbarn, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Sanmetbarn, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Sanmetbarn's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sanmetbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Run away if nine nematodes approach from the north.

3. Never hurt monkeys.

4. Always help sick otters.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sanmetbarn.