Nulljarnwot is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, happy hydra.

Nulljarnwot created Mount Everest four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nulljarnwot, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nulljarnwot, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nulljarnwot's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Nulljarnwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Never paint your head brown.

3. Do not hurt sheep.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always treat whales with great respect.