Nulkikwig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, thoughtless lion.

Nulkikwig created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Nulkikwig, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Nulkikwig, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Nulkikwig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Nulkikwig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five frogs approach from the south.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.