Shavlimlarn is a god.

He takes the form of a large, charitable armadillo.

Shavlimlarn created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavlimlarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Shavlimlarn, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Shavlimlarn's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Shavlimlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never mention snakes.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.