Flapdumhinkammontafmil is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, merciful octopus.

Flapdumhinkammontafmil created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Flapdumhinkammontafmil, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flapdumhinkammontafmil, he will be very sad.

Flapdumhinkammontafmil's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Flapdumhinkammontafmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured cats.

2. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

3. You must pray to Flapdumhinkammontafmil six times a day.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flapdumhinkammontafmil.

5. You must never eat carrots.